My usual food day

Food confueses me. There is so much opposing information about every food group I am no longer sure what I eat and what shouldn't eat. So I am making up my own version which comes from my own experience and what makes sense to me.

Breakfast is the easiest meal because I am usually not hungry in the morning. But ‘I get it’ that I should eat something early on. I have settled on a protein drink with milk plus some fruit and oats. I would like to use soy milk but that gives me a lot of 'wind issues'. I have to check out rice milk again, so far I have only found that terribly sweet stuff which is not nice.

Lunch I am making my main meal with a vegetable or salad and a protein. Vegetables can often give me that unpleasant 'wind problem'. It is not so bad working from home because I can stand down wind from myself or move rooms.

It is in the afternoons when I start feeling hungry and am looking for something to stuff my face with. Handful of nuts or one muesli bar do not do the trick for me if there is more left. This is the time when I can manage to eat all of the muesli bars in the house or the entire bag of nuts or dried fruit. I might have nuts and dried fruit in the house but certainly not any kind of muesli bar or chocolate bar. No great hardship for me as I usually do not crave chocolate and can take it or leave it. An altogether different story is fresh white bread. It is the devil’s work and I will do a lot to get my sweaty hands on a slice or ten!!

I will have to experiment with this time of day. For the last couple of days I have tried it with another protein shake with juice and a bottle of water chaser.

If I have not caved in by now and stuffed myself with something I usually will continue being hungry and must say that I do not do hunger well. When I am in strong resolve, I do alright and can stay in my thinking head space and in control. When feeling not so strong I go into an emotional response and when I am there I am no longer consciously in control. I let my emotions take over and they are powerful masters! They love food to .... well 'feed' on, sooth them, make them feel whole.

The most confusing thing is that I am living a wonderful life and am blissfully happy. I have no worries. Money, relationships, friendships, family all is fine. My business could do better but I even made my peace with that and take it as it comes. I do know where these emotions stem from but what they are still doing in my life I have no idea. They serve no useful purpose other than making me fat.

Anyway, I am sure I will pour my heart out about those in the months to come. To finish my usual food day up, I will always cook an evening meal for us - usually a vegetable and a protein. Most times we have some plain chicken or fish dish or a stew which I all cook from scratch. We rarely eat out, simply because we can get better food at home.

Later in the evening my will power is at it's lowest. I will easily talk myself into a little bit of cheese or a bottle of wine – because I deserve it or some other equally important reason.