I am back

But slightly moderated following the events from last week! I can not push it this week, gotta have fun and take it easy. My body gave me a big wake up call about pushing and forcing myself – she does not like it. Stuborn as a mule!

So I have my fun for today sorted and am working on tomorrows. It is amazing what comes when I am forced to let go. The question of the day is: Would you still be enthuiastic and passionate about your project if you knew you would not achieve your goal. In other words, how important would just being on the journey be to you? Obviously some would say that you would be a fool doing something which you know would not get you to your goal. Achieving goals, hitting the mark, getting good grades is highliy priced in our society and nothing else is really rewarded. But what if you started your project anyway and touched people on the way, improved lives or just had fun, enjoyed the moment rather than anticipating the sweet gifts success could bring you one day, did the right thing even though it will not get you closer to your goal.............

I like this shift in perspective!

1000 Actions

44. For the first time this year we had breakfast in our sunny garden. Gorgeous!

45. I am being so grateful that I can move again without pain

46. Started a course of herbs to help my hormonal and adrenal inbalances

47. Booked a session with a new local accupuncturist who uses a very intruiging method

48. I let go of everything for a week

49. Know now what I want to do for volunteering

50. Had Domino's Pizza *yummmmmmm*

51. Biathlon season is nearly over – loved watching it all winter. Brilliant sport!

52. Marking three months without alcohol and am still not missing it. What have I done?????? Really am enjoying it though.

53. Learned to sleep flat on my back which is supposed to be the best position for a good nights rest.

54. Started to twitter

Doing nothing

All or nothing girl was forced to do nothing by a muscle she tore on her lower rib cage. It started out not so bad, perhaps a bit of overuse by all the weight exercises but then a side plank gave it the rest and the muscle decided it had had it. It got progressively worse to the point when only laying flat in bed was without pain. Even the strongest pain killers would not touch the spasms in my muscle and getting up was for a day or so simply not a pleasant option.

As I am writing this, I am of course much better again thanks to some anti-inflammatory drugs, *yikes* Tarmazipan (also known as Valium!!) which is used as a muscle relaxant in severe cases and my wonderful nurse G who had looked forward to a nice week off work but was instead having to watch me struggle to do the simplest movements, feed me, be my drug dealer and was just lovely and caring. I will have to take it much easier for a while with my training. This is kind of apt as I am wrestling with what moderation means to me. I am going to find out as doing nothing is not an option when I get a bit better

 

This whole episode seems symptomatic of how coiled up and rigid (I did not want to say uptight) I am. The physiotherapist I saw nearly fell over laughing when she checked out my posture in profile. My shoulders up to my ears, one higher than the other, they are pushed forward, my weak stomach muscles accentuate the whole thing because my bum is sticking out too much and I hollow my spine...... you get the picture. Whilst I was lying here unable to move much I was contemplating what it would be like if I would take life much easier and lighter without trying and pushing too hard, just having fun. Aided by valium that did not seem such a difficult thing to do – I am about to get my morning medication and will continue that train of thought.........

 

Mostly I am grateful for what has happened. It is the eye opener I perhaps needed and I kept reminding myself how many people can not get out of bed unaided. Not just for one day but for the rest of their lives. All I needed was a couple of tablets and a bit of time and I will be back to my old self. How lucky am I!

I did some actions for my 1000 action list, which I really enjoy recording and the goal has become a little clearer this week. When I can remember the actions I will record them

No complaining

I made it for one day without complaining – mainly because I did not talk to many people and did not leave the house. I am telling you that this is pretty hard! G and I are constantly questioning each other about what we say – is it a statement to say the weather is crap or is it a complaint? I think the idea is not to concentrate on /talk about the things which we have no power to change. So whilst stating that the weather is crap is factual it also is not very helpful as a stand alone statement. So what? ....... All it is going to lead to is a whinge about the weather.

G has got not much to do at work at the moment – he is between projects. Given that he gets paid pretty well for doing nothing there should not be anything to complaint but it is, but there is. Just earning money is not enough when you go up Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Or look at me, I am in a very very very lucky position where I do not HAVE to earn any money and can stay at home. I feel very privileged but certainly do not act like it in my head and enjoy it for what it is.

There are so many people in this world that do not have their basic physiological and safety needs met – THAT is a reason to complaint but I suspect most of them do not.

Feeling very sorry for myself because I have pulled a muscle in my back in Tuesday's training session and aggravated it in yesterday's session, today I find it hard to move so I ate the rest of the cookies whilst feeling sorry for myself. There, I said it! I am resetting my no complaining week starting from tomorrow morning because I suspect I will still feel all whiny tonight

I suspect it will take me some time to complete that week of no complaining. The trick to succeed is very likely to be a change of perspective.

1000 Actions

12.03

38. EFT improving eye-sight experiment wk 3 day 1 (week two exercises did not speak to me)

39. Work out hard with my trainer

40. I left physiotherapist with both shoulders strapped in tape to show me what 'the right posture' feels like

41. Had a giggle with one of my sisters. They are both amazing and I am grateful for being close to them

13.03

42. I always mix any juice with water at a ratio of 1 part juice, 2 parts water

43. I wrote my first review on Amazon and I just saw that it got published

In moderation

I have proven over and over in my life that I can start doing things and stop doing things but moderation? Nope, moderation eludes me. You can...... but only sometimes. I do not think humans are build for moderation. Human survival is not build on moderation nor is our history.

This is the conscious / unconscious thing again. You decide to start doing something and have to remind yourself consciously that you need to do it and then eventually it becomes unconscious. Trigger – action. Or you stop doing something. Again at the beginning you consciously have to stop yourself from acting on your trigger and eventually the trigger no longer leads to the action. Both are relatively easy after a bit of struggle and as far as I am concerned the only way to go with addictive substance – you do them or you do not, for 99% of people there is no alternative.

But doing something sometimes? What am I asking of myself here? Let's say our 'thing' is chocolate cake. Think of, smell, or see chocolate cake and either move hell and earth to get to it or ignore it. That is why gaining and losing weight is relatively easy too; most people have managed it at least once or twice in their lives. What do I do with moderation? Sometimes I have it and sometimes I do not? Trigger comes and I can not use standard reaction of either do or do not. I have to make a decision every time which means I have to be present and aware of my options and emotions at that very moment. Sounds like hard work to me! And that is why I and million of others never manage to keep hold of our weight loss.

I have bought this box of cookies yesterday with this in mind. I do not often buy cookies and chocolates - if they are not in the house I do not need or crave them. That is my standard 'NOT doing it' and pretty easy. However, the box of cookies is now in the house and my thoughts go to it often. My problem is that I am the ultimate 'All or Nothing girl'. If I start eating it, I will finish eating it in one go. Yesterday I did not open the box – a little harder than not having it in the house but again a NOT doing it.

The experiment will be to open the box and have up to and no more than one (1!) cookie a day and enjoy it. The box should last about 9 days. Really the experiment should not be restrained by one (1!) cookie a day. It should be: open box, eat whenever you feel like it. But I am giving myself a break here and am setting up a little scaffolding to hold on to. The important thing is being present and honest each day I make the cookie decision.

1000 Actions

10.03

33. Work out with trainer and did some good running I was well pleased with

34. Book physiotherapy session for my painful shoulder

35. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk 2 day 2 & eye exercises

(Had to start over with 'no complaining' experiment – did not even make it half a day)

11.03.

36. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk 2 day 3 & eye exercises

37. Finished SuperCoach by my favourite coach Michael Neill and can highly recommend it

Surprises

We are back from G's birthday weekend surprise which I had so so much fun organising. Had him fooled all the way with plenty of red herrings (making up stories and sticking with them seems to come frighteningly easy to me J ) He had such a good time seeing one of the favourite people in his world and Phil was a star looking after us. If I get a picture of the sign Phil had made for our imaginary 'Tuff Guise' Highland Adventure Company I will post it here. It was our last red herring at Aberdeen airport and did its job brilliantly.

 

1000 Actions

05.03

18. Finally going on surprise trip, keeping G fooled for most of the day, having so much fun with it myself and seeing his joy. Presents do not have to be expensive, it is the thought that is put in that counts and creates memories which last (alright, I bought him a snazzy small video camera too)

19. Training with my trainer (she is trying to make my legs ache, other trainers have tried and failed where only the first weeks of our 500 miles have made any impression) and she bought into the burst training thing and is going to support me

20. Gotta put this down as an action because it makes such a difference to the flight – watched like a hawk the time for the online check- in to start and bagged us best seats in the house (well plane) TWICE

21. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 6 & eye exercises – I can feel some improvements sometimes

 

06.03

22. Walked on the beach in brilliant sunshine. The light in Scotland IS amazing and I would love to live close enough to a beach to do this often

23. Enjoyed the birthday dinner in a good restaurant, the high light was red cabbage finished with chocolate. Must try that myself - divine

24. Listen to G's & P's renditions of bad songs of the 70's and 80's all the way home from the restaurant and had a warm fuzzy glow

 

07.03

25. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk 2 day 1 & eye exercises

26. Phil gave me a copy of a most wonderful poem that spoke to me strongly

27. Am rather pleased with myself that drinking alcohol was not an option I was interested in all weekend

 

08.03

28. Loved coming back home and am so so grateful for our house. It is so quiet and light and works well for the two of us

 

09.03 Week 2

29. Went to doctor to find a way of removing whatever is blocking my weight loss, left with a prescription for a hormone and thyroid blood test and a pad on the back for what I have been doing

30. Went for my very first professional fitting for running shoes

31. Had blood test done

32. Started a little competition with G that we can not complain/whine/be ungenerous out loud for one week. If we are we have to start the week over. We started yesterday afternoon but had to restart several times already

Acknowledgement

That is something I fail to give myself on a regular basis. I know I started my 1000 actions project on 01.03 but I have been taking focused and persistent (which can be something I give up on easily) action since beginning of January. It was not a New Years resolution but 6 months had past from my operation and I felt strong and mended enough to get rid of that weird animal that is sitting on my stomach and I have no control over (the operation left me with very unresponsive stomach muscles and no feeling in the middle of my stomach).

Got myself a trainer and have worked out with her twice a week since then. I also do another two workouts a week by myself. I have recorded my food intake and been very very honest. And I have tried not to go on a diet as such but change what I eat and see what impact it has. I have been through a macrobiotic phase and mainly protein phase. None of it really suits me and I just do not want to be on a diet. I want to be free, take it or leave it and not worry that I will put on weight as soon as I put food in my mouth. So I guess I have been eating quite intuitively but looking at the results concerning carb, fat and protein percentages and also vitamins and mineral. I am also still not drinking any alcohol, my little 'aversion exercise' worked amazingly well and I have had zero desire for any kind of alcohol, even if it sits right in front of me. My recorded average calorie intake is 1350 per day since beginning of January, so put on another 150 calories for all the things I have not gotten completely right when writing them down and I am at 1500 calories a day. I am really proud of these things and give myself an official pad on the back.

The only fly in the ointment is that I have not been rewarded with weight loss. Yes the scales moved a smidgen this week and I was ecstatic. But that was the first movement in a month and about 1 lb. I have lost some centimetres from around my waist but that is just about it. My sister said I have a body build for famine and she is probably right. I am brilliant at holding on! Is it mental? Is it physical? I have no idea but I am not giving up doing what I am doing.

 

14. Burst training

15. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 5 & eye exercises

16. Indulged my shower & bath gel fetish and tried my new Mimosa from Philosophy (very subtle can hardly detect the smell, but it is a brilliant body wash and shampoo)

17. Acknowledged what I have achieved in the last two months (feels pretty good and it confirms that I should not measure my success by what the scales say)

Improving my eye sight

It is quite frightening how steadily my eye sight has been getting worse. Hate it! But I also thought I could not do anything about reducing the decline, stopping it or *gasp* improving it. I have decided on a little experiment of EFT tapping - I am working through a 6 week programme 'Improve your eye sight with EFT' by Dr. Carol Look.

And I am also doing some eye exercises every day which turn out to be great fun. I was able to find lots of examples on YouTube.

I have felt a definite decline in my eye sight in the last 3 months again and my aim is to not having to get a stronger prescription on my next eye check up end of April. The *WOW* would of course be to reduce my prescription. There are lots of 'buts' and 'impossibles' coming up for me as soon as I think about an improvement so I will not dwell on that. The thing about EFT is that one does not have to believe in it for it to work so I am rolling with 'What is the worst that could happen?' The answer is 'It didn't work and I have to increase my prescription anyway'

1000 Actions

02.03

6. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 4 & eye exercises

7. Had a massage

8. Completed my Fit Day records

9. 10 minutes trampoline

03.03.

10. 90 minutes work out with trainer

11. Decided to stop bitching about my new haircut and embrace it. It is so much easier to deal with when doing a lot of sweaty work outs

12. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 5 & eye exercises

13. Did an emberassing happy dance after the scales FINALLY moved in the right direction (been working on this event for a month)

1000 day plan and 1000 actions - I am going to be 50 (hopefully)

G and I were talking this morning about age. I am priding myself on not looking 46. Had my hair chopped off this week (big step as I used my long hair to hide behind) and whilst I am not completely thrilled with it (nowhere to hide anymore!!) I also think it makes me look EVEN younger. But I realised that I am going to be 50 and about 1250 days *YOWSER*

What better time to start my 1000 day plan and kick it off with 1000 actions towards health, strength and feeling vibrant in my 50's. We did a 500 mile walk for G's 50th birthday, God knows what I am going to dream up for my 50th birthday celebrations. Actually I already know one thing I would like to do. I want to organise a very special cruise for and with the many wonderful women I know who will also be turning 50 in 2012.

I do not have a plan with specific goals at the moment other than the words/feeling of health, strength and vibrancy. I am more and more of the opinion that in particular life goals benefit from being kept 'loose' as the emphasis should be more on what I am actually doing today and enjoying it than what I will have/be at the end of it. Life is unpredictable and it gets very frustrating when it decides to get in the way of my carefully laid out plans. I have done enough 'beating myself up' to last several life times and want to reduce that rather than add more pressure on myself. The goal will reveal itself in due time if there is something specific to be achieved. My 1000 days plan is about living today and taking action for my benefit.

I do not have an exact plan for my 1000 actions either. One action could take hours, another seconds. They are all initiated by something I actually have done on that day. Giving somebody a spontaneous hug could be an action. Doing a 10km long walk could be another. Just taking time to be grateful for something is also highly acceptable :)

To count on the 'Mind over Batter' list they just need to contribute to my health, strength and vibrancy. I am sure that the emphasis will change over time, at the moment my mind is set on working out, improving my eye sight and finding a balanced diet that is making me feel good. 20 actions a week would be good but hey, who is counting?

1. Did 15 mins burst training (a new discovery and I am LOVING it)
2. Loved eating a brown bread roll (baked by yours truly with organic ingredients) for breakfast
3. Pushed 25 kg weights x 12 (personal record)
4. Found a fantastic site with reasonably price natural skin care
5. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 3