Weight loss journal prompt

Food is like sex:
when you abstain,
even the worst stuff
begins to look good.

Beth McCollister

DISCUSS!

PMT

I should have known something was up when I scoured the kitchen for ingredients to make ‘chick pea chocolate chip cookies’. I can not remember the last time I ate a cookie but on Sunday I *HAD* to have one or five. Because they used chick peas as one of the main ingredients it made it completely acceptable in my head

The cookies were fine and apart from giving me indigestion and a guilt trip they obviously filled the gap that PMT opened up. Better than being a complete bitch I guess. God only knows what will happen when I go through……… *lower voice, shifty look around*……………. the change………….
My past ‘women’s trouble’ history is indicating that that might not go past me without some drama. Ophra is already wallowing in hers!

On the up, I came on yesterday and so far I have had nothing more than a little twinge of pain. Not being doubled up and popping extra EXTRA strong painkillers every four hours is a novel experience and happens about once every leap year. One of the supplements and tinctures Beatrix subscribed last week is producing some magic!!! That alone will have been worth the trip to see her.

'Eat what you want' myth

I mentioned Paul McKenna of 'I can make you thin' fame in an earlier post. First of all: No, you bloody can't. You can make yourself very rich (good on ya' mate) and you might be able to help me but you can not MAKE me thin, OK? He quite clearly offends my tendency to take what people say literally - its a German thing!

So one of his principles of naturally thin people is that they eat what they want and orders his listeners to do the same. Newsflash: Naturally thin people do NOT eat everything they want, they are disciplined around food otherwise they would be fat! We are back to that unconscious competence thing again...............................
Naturally thin people do have the ability to balance their nutrition unconsciously. I don't and get into trouble every time I believe I can.

Anyway, apart from that, what he suggest in his book is pretty good. It IS all in the mind and there it needs to be sorted. Regrettably the artificial deep voice he uses on his hypnosis tapes grinds me down after a while and I need to switch off.

I have done my own principles and know that if I follow these that it will make a big difference to me (just click on the picture and you get a big version)

Week 4 Results

• Weight +1, Target= -2
  
• Average calories: No idea Target = 1423
  
• 3560 Challenge: 72km, Target = 70km

Beatrix told me on Tuesday that I need to stop fighting with my weight. So did Jo, so does Gary, so do I in lucid moments. Beatrix also suggest not to weigh myself for a while. Not a new concept which I have followed quite happily in the past.

But somehow that translated in my head into: do whatever you want, so I did and have been eating what I wanted since Tuesday. I did not record what I ate, did not care and fully planned not to weigh myself today. All the while I had this niggling feeling of guilt deep down - I do 'I do not care' only on the surface well.

How does a grown up, intelligent and otherwise pretty confident woman get so lost and confused when it comes to food?? I know and I do not know.

EFT

This technique is basically emotional acupuncture. The premise is that the way we hold past experiences and traumas and the thoughts we entertain today do have an effect on our health. You can learn and download a free manual how to do it here

It involves a sequence of tapping around some of the meridian points on my hand, face and upper body accompanied by a sequence of sentences which express my thoughts and emotions around a subject. It usually starts with the words 'Even though' then I add a believe or a thought, trying to be as specific as possible ' Even though I feel pathetic because I can not control my weight' and conclude with the words 'I completely love and accept myself'.

Whilst I am repeating this sentence several times I tap with my left hand a point on the side of my right hand on the outside of my little finger the movement is called the carate chop. Then I carry on tapping certain points around my face, my chest and under my arm whilst making short statements like 'I feel pathetic' 'I want control over my weight'.

What tends to happen when I do this can be wide ranging. I laugh about a sentence, sometimes I find it nearly impossible to say a sentence out loud with out stuttering, continually forgetting the words or crying. But always there is a feeling of less pressure after a round of tapping. Especially when the words I am saying bring up tears or reflect my anger I always feel lighter thereafter.

This has filled the gap I always felt when doing affirmations or hear people speak about the power of positive thinking. I always felt that just ignoring my negative emotions and thoughts is not going to do the trick. I am an extremely positive person, but being able to acknowledge my entire range of emotions has been freeing.

Saying all this, I am having quite a bit of resistance to using this technique around my weight. I can use it for other stuff and have seen results but when it comes to tapping around my weight I seem to have localised amnesia. I can not think of anything to say, I 'forget' to do the tapping ............

What does that tell me apart from that I am quite weird (in an accepting and totally loving way of course ;) and maybe perhaps, that I probably want to hold on to my baggage for a little longer.

I saw the kinesiologist yesterday and she walked me through some rounds of tapping and gave me some great guidelines on what to tap on. I have now no longer an excuse around not being able to think of something to say and as she suggested to do it ever time I go to the loo, there should be plenty of the required repetition too.

Burping

This is something I found out some time ago but either keep forgettting about or simply ignore. It seems our stomach gives us a little sign when it had enough food: a little burp, sometimes barely noticeable and sooooo easy to ignore because it is WAY earlier than I think I am full up.

But I know it probably is enough because I have sometimes had this experience in restaurants. We decide to order a starter and a main course. Starter comes - usually a moderate portion and I eat it with perhaps some of the bread available. Then the service slows right down and we wait ages for our main course. By the time it eventually turns up I am no longer hungry and could quite happily go without. This does never happen when the main course comes straight after the starter.

The lesson is to stop much earlier but I have always been a clear my plate quickly kind of girl. It is hard enough to leave a little bit back on each plate - I am practising!

Week 3 Results

• Weight +1, Target= -2
  
• Average calories 1456, Target = 1423
  
• 3560 Challenge: 52km, Target = 70km
  

Wow I put weight on......................... Lost for words to explain. It feels like when we were on our 800 km walk and I managed to put weight on. I am of course frustrated and disheartened but not ready to give in.

I have some fun lined up next week which I am determined to enjoy a lot - weight up or down. I am also going to see a very good kineisologist on Tuesday. I will ask her to work on my glands - especially the one in my head - I keep forgetting its name...... pituitary gland

There is also EFT, which I am going to increasingly use. Just have to get into a routine with it - not my strong point! Will blog the technique next week.

All in all I have had a pretty good week. Won playing poker, met some new people, got rid of some long standing energy zapping gremlins on my to-do list, had some wonderful conversations with family and friends, made some art and weight lifted a new best

If my weight will not come off, at least I am going to be a fit and pretty damn strong.

On having fun

I am quite capable of denying myself something because I feel I do not look right for the occasion. M is banging his head against the wall in despair. I know it is bloody stupid too....................... sorry M

And then Jo gave me a major shake up yesterday and boy did she shake me. She was right and I needed to hear it. Thanks mate

So I have set the wheels in motion to have some fun next week and another bit of excitement is already set up towards the end of the month. My challenge is not to let the occasions be marred by my own body image. My circle of friends certainly do not seem to have a problem with the way I look. My husband often pays me genuine compliments. I get the occasional glances from strangers........ So what have I built up in my head??

Go forth, lighten up and have fun they said. I meekly replied 'Yes I will' *squeak*

30 Minute Rule

I used this trick a lot when I gave up smoking many moons ago. Whenever I had an overwhelming craving for a cigarette I would say to myself: 'Wait 30 minutes and if you really want one then I think about it'. Often the urge had gone after a couple of minutes or I was distracted by something I was doing. If the urge was still there after 30 minutes I started the same game again.

It worked much better then just saying a straight 'No, you can not have one' to myself. With eating this is a bit more tricky, because I will have to eat something at some stage. So I will try this out with specific food items in the coming weeks if I remember!

Weight loss journal prompt

The definition of insanity

is doing the same thing over and over

and expecting different results

Benjamin Franklin

Discuss!

Week 2 Results

• Weight -1, Target= -2
  
• Average calories 1456, Target = 1600
  
• 3560 Challenge: 84km, Target = 70km
  

One measly pound all week - not nice! But I did the right things and am ever so pleased with my exercise. I feel great.

Even had a glass or five of wine yesterday and it was a lovely evening where I completely relaxed. Food is going fine, I have not had any major cravings, feelings of deprivation or was particularly hungry at any stage. My mind games seem to be working - as disgusting as they are.

Failure

is not something I will ever do on purpose. If I commit to doing something I will give it my all.

I work best on reverse psychology. You tell me I will not be able to do something and I will do just about anything to prove you wrong even if I have to go beyond sensible boundaries. Something a trainer of mine found out very quickly.

She introduced me to the concept of lifting a heavy weight to the point of failure. It is a great training technique and has excellent benefits if good form is used up to the very last rep. But every time my trainer said 'to the point of failure' I could not stop lifting and would have injured myself had she not called a stop to it. It ended up being a game of chicken between us. I improved a lot whilst working with her and still feel the benefits when I work out on my own.

But every time I hear about working out to the point of failure my toes curl - I get an instant pantomine reaction 'Oh no I won't'

What do the iceberg & learning model have to do with weight loss

If I have not updated this blog in a while, it is likely that I have stopped working hard on losing weight.

Pay attention, here comes the science:

Imagine an iceberg as a metaphor for your mind! (We have Freud to thank for this model)

Only 10% of an iceberg is visible (conscious) whereas the other 90% is beneath the water (preconscious and unconscious).

Unconscious is allotted an overwhelming 75%-80% (the rest is 'preconscious' but that's one Freudian bit of information too far for me)

I use the following model in training sessions to explain the circle of learning but when I thought about it, I realised how well this fits in with explaining successful weight loss.

unconscious incompetence

You don’t know that you don’t know – like when you are five and don’t know that you can not drive a car. I do not know when I was last at that stage in connection with my weight. I remember as far back as when I was about four being force fed cod liver oil and those god awful coal tablets by my mother and grandmother . I was too thin and was not eating enough and I was very aware of my weight being an issue which made me....

conscious incompetence

You know you do not know – now you are 15 and know you can not drive a car. I knew I had 'baby speck', was 'podgy' at the age of about seven I guess. But I did not know that there was something one could or should do anything about.

conscious competence

You know you know – you 18 and are just learning to drive – you are aware of every single action necessary to drive a car. There is not much else you can do or are aware of when you are a new driver - it takes all your brain power to stay on the road and keep out of trouble

When I had my brain wave, I realised that it is exactly this stage which I have to be at constantly as long as I want to lose weight successfully. It is in on my mind, I am aware, I am working on it, I am in control.

unconscious competence

You drive along, think about work or a fight you had last night and have suddenly arrived at you destination without even knowing. This stage is important for humans to be able to function - we do not want to think about how to walk, breath, talk etc. It all happens without a conscious thought from us

And this stage is for people who do not have a weight problem, they do not have to think about what, when, why and how much they eat. They just eat the right amount for them and then stop.

However, things get dodgy when I slip into unconscious competence. I go back to my bad habits, let my unconscious rule the roost and am surprised when the scales are on the up. If I do not get myself back into conscious competence PDQ - I no longer record what I am eating, I do not use my resources to help me and a very good indicator of all that, as I said at the beginning, will be if I stop writing this blog.

So there, I said it. You can pull me up on it – I would so hate that.

Food Porn

The white loaf lies seductively on the marble of the kitchen counter, showing off its beautiful crust to its best advantage under the subtle lighting. It sends out its heady fresh baked smell, simply irresistible just like the Sirens in ancient Greece. Butter could not longer stop itself and with the help of knife it spreads itself shamelessly over the soft white slice and with a shutter of ecstasy melts into the delicious crumb……………………………

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

That’s the kind of film that is running in my head when I start feeling hungry or deprived and am not on top form. The worship of food – I am sure a lot of people do it. I often hear people talk about the foods they will finally allow themselves again when the diet is over. It is like hero worship the way they, I, think and talk about their favourite food. I can not trust myself at present to have a loaf of fresh bread lying around the house and just have a slice of it. So I ban it entirely and start day dreaming about it. The kind of food porn I am capable off can have me actually salivating. No surprise that I can find myself very quickly in the shop and leave with the coveted food plus some appropriate toppings. The more I run the movie, the more I can make myself believe that I want it, need it AND deserve it.

There are some NLP techniques to stop this kind of thing happening, to disassociate myself from the hero item in question. They involve running the movie in my head and making the item smaller and further away and black and white. That never really worked for me – I found a quicker and more effective method which I think I heard described in a television series with Paul McKenna of ‘I can make you thin’ fame (a title I greatly object to – I will talk more about the program he developed in another blog).

I have adapted it and call this method ‘poor the spittoon over the food porn’ and that is literally what I do. Every time I start thinking about a food or beverage item and begin to obsess about it I imagine a spittoon that stood for a while outside a Wild West Saloon, it has got lots of spit in it, you know big chunky bits and chewing tobacco and it is so full that it slightly swaps over every time somebody walks past it. I mentally dip the food or drink I am thinking about into it. Just like magic I stop thinking about the item – I have been doing it for a week now and it has worked every single time.

Anything the grosses you out works, the more colourful and realistic you can make it in your head, the better it will work with your food of choice. You can use anything you do not like, something bad smelling, something rotting. What turns your stomach?

Week One Results

• Weight -6, Target= -2 (90 to go)
• Average calories 1434, Target = 1600
  
• 3560 Challenge -77, Target = -70 (3483 to go)

Gotta love the first week on a diet. It always goes so well with impressive results even though a lot of it is water.

For the challenge I gave myself a head start after Christmas and I only just managed to get over the weekly target of 70 km *gulp*. 10 km a day sounds so innocent and do-able, doesn't it? Initially I was going to walk the entire thing but decided that that would do my head in, as much of it will be done on our own treadmill. Our treadmill has decided to take on a whinging loud noise and it is hard to hear the television over it or even my beloved Ipod. In the end I have decided that including biking and swimming (about 1 km per hour if I do not manage to drown first) would be plenty of challenge for me and it is. I do interval training on the bike which I enjoy greatly.

My usual food day

Food confueses me. There is so much opposing information about every food group I am no longer sure what I eat and what shouldn't eat. So I am making up my own version which comes from my own experience and what makes sense to me.

Breakfast is the easiest meal because I am usually not hungry in the morning. But ‘I get it’ that I should eat something early on. I have settled on a protein drink with milk plus some fruit and oats. I would like to use soy milk but that gives me a lot of 'wind issues'. I have to check out rice milk again, so far I have only found that terribly sweet stuff which is not nice.

Lunch I am making my main meal with a vegetable or salad and a protein. Vegetables can often give me that unpleasant 'wind problem'. It is not so bad working from home because I can stand down wind from myself or move rooms.

It is in the afternoons when I start feeling hungry and am looking for something to stuff my face with. Handful of nuts or one muesli bar do not do the trick for me if there is more left. This is the time when I can manage to eat all of the muesli bars in the house or the entire bag of nuts or dried fruit. I might have nuts and dried fruit in the house but certainly not any kind of muesli bar or chocolate bar. No great hardship for me as I usually do not crave chocolate and can take it or leave it. An altogether different story is fresh white bread. It is the devil’s work and I will do a lot to get my sweaty hands on a slice or ten!!

I will have to experiment with this time of day. For the last couple of days I have tried it with another protein shake with juice and a bottle of water chaser.

If I have not caved in by now and stuffed myself with something I usually will continue being hungry and must say that I do not do hunger well. When I am in strong resolve, I do alright and can stay in my thinking head space and in control. When feeling not so strong I go into an emotional response and when I am there I am no longer consciously in control. I let my emotions take over and they are powerful masters! They love food to .... well 'feed' on, sooth them, make them feel whole.

The most confusing thing is that I am living a wonderful life and am blissfully happy. I have no worries. Money, relationships, friendships, family all is fine. My business could do better but I even made my peace with that and take it as it comes. I do know where these emotions stem from but what they are still doing in my life I have no idea. They serve no useful purpose other than making me fat.

Anyway, I am sure I will pour my heart out about those in the months to come. To finish my usual food day up, I will always cook an evening meal for us - usually a vegetable and a protein. Most times we have some plain chicken or fish dish or a stew which I all cook from scratch. We rarely eat out, simply because we can get better food at home.

Later in the evening my will power is at it's lowest. I will easily talk myself into a little bit of cheese or a bottle of wine – because I deserve it or some other equally important reason.

My physical goals for 2008

So here they are:

• I have the pleasure of losing 96 pounds
• I will walk/bike/swim 10 km a day in 2008 = 3650 km
• I will be fit for a possible physical challenge I am toying with at the end of 2008(it would go way beyond our 800 km walk last year)
• I will take extra pride in my appearence
  
• I will treat myself regularly
  

I vow to do all this without beating myself up. Turns out ‘Mind over batter’ is such an apt name for my blog because I am the queen of beating myself up whilst procrastinating behind the veil of perfectionism. So none of that and I also will not whinge about my Thyroid or use it as an excuse.

Part of the Serenity prayer is going to be my guiding light

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time.